and then there were none

ten little aspirations all in a line
reality struck one
and then there were nine

nine little aspirations out by the gate
abuse killed one
and then there were eight

eight little aspirations dreaming of heaven
one died of loneliness
and then there were seven

seven little aspirations in a house made of bricks
brotherly affection destroyed one
and then there were six

six little aspirations barely alive
till a sister undressed one
leaving now only five

five little aspirations dreaming of more
but father took his belt off
and then there were four

four little aspirations hiding in the tree
the school bully pulled one down
and then there were three

three little aspirations knowing not what to do
one grabbed the kitchen knife
now there were two

two little aspirations playing with the gun
until one gave up on life
and then there was one

one little aspiration looking for his hero
found only the family
and now there are zero

?

why am i here?
not
what is the meaning
of life
but
why am i here?

why do i stay
when all purpose
is bogus
and empty

the loneliness
is too large
a burden

fatigue
tears at my joints
my very soul
cries in anguish

why am i here?

child’s play

i have all these blocks

carefully, so carefully
one on top of the other
i place them
like treasures
and my shelter takes form

until it gets kicked down

so i find a better place
ground more level
and no one else around
but it’s lonely
so i knock them all down
gather them up
and move on

i find a new friend
and together we build
the very bestest of walls
tremendous     –     big, so big

then he kicks it down
cuz
well really
he only wanted to play a little while
and now he knows
how he wants his blocks to be
so he don’t need me

i’m just in the way

so he takes his blocks elsewhere
and make his own things

i don’t know if I have the strength
to try building anymore

but …
i have all these blocks

as time goes by

too many years chasing rainbows
searching for the pot of gold
answers to the riddles
and the lies that i’ve been told

one after another
people let me down
until my cries of anguish
are the one remaining sound

gloom hangs heavy like a shroud
stealing away my breath
it’s hard to find joy in life
when all I see is death

the child within has pulled away
he lies curled in a ball
unable to find the strength to stand
unwilling to try at all

i have never been one to just give up
to turn away – and yet
after years of trying to remember
i want now to forget

 

bitter pill

how does one live
with no one
friends as there may be
miles up on miles between
no caress
nor simple touch of kindness
warmth
acceptance
I can no more
accept a life so empty
so devoid of real substance
as to leave the soul craving
the spirit weeping

just because there are others
who have suffered as I have
does not mean I am not alone

without a purpose

i can’t face the emptiness
the loneliness inside where nobody sees
my being craves companionship

  more
    but not

it gets harder and harder to start a new day
because it only means
  i survived yet another night
    alone

my heart beats
  lungs circulate air
    and my mind locks in
      on its never-ending cycle
        of emptiness

and i face it all
     without a purpose

same or similar?

time for a refresher

survivor road

you’re not me
i’m not you
we’re unique individuals
our problems
they’re unique too

our symptoms
are kinda alike
a lot of patterns
of our issues
look the same

but my road isn’t your road
and your speed-bumps aren’t mine

our roads may go
the same direction
for now
we can hold hands
to help support
and call out encouragement
to one another

but i can’t carry you
and you can’t carry me

View original post

break forth o beauteous light

i have grown tired
  weary
  worn

exhaustion weighs me down
the sound of futility
fills each footfall

i have struggled
  in vain
for decades

it is time for reprise

show me the portal
let me face
    the final light
let me step
    through the gate
      into eternity
      or nothingness
it matters not
    any more

just show me
    the light

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