The following quote is from the Statistics page at 1in6.org (https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/)
Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects.
If you’ve had such an experience, or think you might have, you are not alone.
If you wonder whether such an experience may be connected to some difficulties or challenges in your life now, you are not alone.
I am a 1-in-6. And that is possibly one of the hardest statements I’ve ever made. It messed up the first 50 years of my life. First the abuse itself, then the aftermath. Depression. Suicidal thoughts (or what psychiatrists like to call “idealization”). Anxiety. Panic attacks. And I was suffering from those before I remembered even one abusive occasion from my childhood. After remembering add nightmares and flashbacks. But they have all but quit after some years of good therapy with someone who knew how to deal with me where I was. Anxiety? Less. Panic attacks? Almost gone. Depression? Almost constant. What can I say – I’m a “work in progress”. Like any other malady, it’s not a one-shot fix. And it’s not easy.
But it is rewarding. And if you’re reading this thinking it worked for me but won’t for you – I would just ask that you not give up. I was there, first refusing to believe it happened, or admit it happened – then refusing to believe I could get better. I reached a moment where I had to be honest with myself. Then I could be honest with others. Then I could get better. Am I finished with my recovery? No. But I am so many miles ahead of where I used to be. No 2:00am calls to 911 because of panic. That alone is such a massive improvement in my life.
That’s why this web site. Me, recovering. It started being more of a place to write poetry/prose, to release my depression “on paper” but to share it at the same time. It is slowly morphing into more of a blog. More of a place where I talk about what’s going on. No, not daily. At least not yet. Don’t care if it’s ever daily. What matters is I’m walking forward, away from being a victim. I am a survivor. And that is what I wish for you if you, too, are a “1-in-6”.
Please understand, I’m not saying that you or anyone else is a statistic. It’s just a label I use – and you know labels are nothing more than opinions we stamp on things and people so we can file them properly in the brain. I hope for you recovery, health, peace. If only one person finds anything here that helps them, then this site has been worth it. And it’s already hit that milestone. Will it help you? I don’t know. Even if it doesn’t I am still completely convinced you can recover. …and if you’re in the mood – check out my poetry page… or, if you prefer just blogging stuff – that’s in The Daily Grind.
Please remember:
Recovery isn’t looking at life through rose-colored glasses.
It’s looking at life honestly and then living it.
Peace.
You wrote it well and real. You said, “,,, looking at life honestly and then living it.” That’s a great line. It seems to be the hardest thing for so many people to do. How long have you had this post up here? I find it hard to believe I’m the first to comment or like it. Perhaps it’s only been up a very short time. Although I never experienced anything like what you did, I do know of others who your writing will help, just by it being relate-able to what they are or have been through. Keep writing!
LikeLiked by 4 people
anyone i can help through these horrendous rapids is a double blessing for me. helping others helps me and them. as for you being the first comment – i just put that up two days ago.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Cool. I’m sure more will follow. Keep writing Marcus!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Hello Marcus,
First of all, I would like to concur with awritershelper. Moreover, I thought that my earlier comment that I left in your “My Audio Creations” page should be included here so that it can encourage your readers to visit that page and listen to your uplifting and touching music. You have some musical talent and I hope that you will compose even more music. After all, music can also be a healing force.
How do you do? Whilst your “Welcome” page is crowded with comments, there is not a single one here at your “Audio” page. So, here I am, giving you a comment and more, as I have already followed your “MarcusK” SoundCloud account.
Of the three pieces “It’s Finally Over”, “On A Normal Rainy Day” and “Kirkridge”, I like “Kirkridge” the most, for it really tugs on my heartstring. Unfortunately, it had been recorded at a much lower volume than the other two. Perhaps you may have a louder version.
I assume that you have composed, played and recorded all three yourself. How beautiful they are!
I am listening to your musical pieces again and again as I type this comment, especially “Kirkridge”.
I would like to reciprocate your spirit of healing and forgiveness with my own musical compositions, which you can savour on my SoundCloud accout. Even better, you can learn about the ethos behind those compositions in my post entitled “🦅 SoundEagle in SoundCloud: Art, Music and Compositions about New Sensations, Love, Life, Country, Nature, Dreaming, Meditation and Spirituality 🏞🎼🎶”.
The said post contains a small fraction of my musical compositions. These compositions are by no means representative of my musical oeuvres, but they do serve some important purposes, as explicated quite substantially in the post. Please feel free to analyse and/or critique those compositions as well as my writing to your heart’s content at the comment section of the said post. I hope that at least some of the compositions there will resonate deeply with you and help you in some ways towards healing and transcendence.
I myself have been grieving profoundly, as explicated by my latest post published on the last day of August this year (2019) entitled “Khai & Khim: For Always and Beyond Goodbye”. And I find your music speaks to me and resonates with some of my feelings. Thank you.
Happy Sunday to you!
LikeLike
I will make it to your SoundCloud account. It’s inspiring to hear others – to share in our growth. Thank you for stopping by and writing – and writing! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus,
I am delighted to hear from you and hope that you are doing well in life.
Please kindly allow me the pleasure to entertain you and your family with a poem as well as a couple of original musical compositions recently published in my multimedia post entitled 🎼🎹—THE—🎹—LAST—🎹—RAG—🎹🎵🎶 at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2020/04/12/the-last-rag/
Since music can be an essential part of the process of sustainability, wellbeing, healing and even social change and spiritual awakening, may my music and poem in the said post bring you some creative “distractions” or “diversions” amidst the disruptions and woes engendered by the pandemic.
Happy reading and listening there!
LikeLike
Hi Marcus,
Thank you for loving my compositions “Till Eternity”, “Forever” and “Romancing Infinity — Piano Sonata No. 3”.
I have just listened to your piece “Kirkridge” twice more. It is as touching as ever.
If you don’t mind me asking, who and/or what event did you compose “Kirkridge” for?
LikeLike
I love me a tight fitting statistic and label! lol 😉
LikeLiked by 3 people
For you I suppose I could find one 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Marcus, I have to tell you I like what is coming from your mind, your intellect. You handle your words carefully but with warmth and knowledge behind the expression. Too often we are guided by raw emotion without the realization that the emotion itself can keep us prisoner to what is painful. On the other hand you seem to know that sharing can and often is the signal of moving forward, of blessed change in which a new you is possible, one who has experienced the unthinkable, but is able to turn that experience into something new. The apostle Paul is quoted as saying,”one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” He goes on to say that this is a mature way of thinking but that if you think differently, God will help you by revealing it to you. In closing, this thought, he adds: “In any case, we should live up to whatever truth we have attained.” Keep on trying for He is with you. I hope your weekend will be a blessing of peace, and that it will provide the comfort you seek.
LikeLiked by 6 people
If I’m not careful I might get an ego reading words like yours. Wow — “intellect”. I dunno if anyone’s ever used that word in conjunction with me, lol. I find sometimes “forgetting what is behind” is so much easier to say than to do. Weekend was better, thanks. I was brought to an “epiphany” of sorts.
“This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it” — note it doesn’t say “I hope I can rejoice and be glad…”. Rejoicing and being glad is a choice. I’ve been told this type of thing before … this is the first time it’s actually started to sink in. All because I was humming an old chorus and the words suddenly hit me. “I *will* rejoice and be glad in it” …. I can only hope I can keep hold of this. Sometimes life is beyond weary.
LikeLiked by 8 people
Good for you! I’m so proud of you. I hope you know that your writing shows your intellect. Keep on keeping on. It probably won’t ever be easy, but you can do it. Regards.
LikeLiked by 5 people
I found your blog over at HarsH ReaLiTy! I’m looking forward to connecting.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks for the stop-by 🙂 I look forward to future readings.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am also one in six and I know the road you’ve described. Thank you for writing this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Welcome. Thank you for stopping by and reminding me no matter how lonely it may feel, I’m not alone.
LikeLike
This is wonderfully written, thank you I enjoyed the read and was given a new perspective.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad it touched. Sometimes you post never knowing if you’ll reach anyone or if anyone will benefit, so it’s always great to hear someone got something out of the site 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for the link and info…
Here is the post I made out of it…
http://robertmgoldstein.com/2015/09/27/one-in-six/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing that. I am honored you mentioned my site in your post. Thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the information. It is the post…:)
LikeLike
Hi Marcus 🙂 It’s nice to meet you 🙂 I found your blog through OM’s Meet and Greet 🙂 Your story is so important. Sexual abuse does not get the voice it needs, not enough anyway, especially from the male population. The strength you show in your words, shows that you are a fighter, a survivor and someone that can truly help others who are walking that path, I hope they cross paths with you so they don’t have to walk it alone. I’m so glad you have reached a point in your life that you can share with us. I look forward to reading more 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s always good to meet someone new 🙂 Especially someone who likes to smile a lot :), LOL. Thank you for your encouraging words. Sometimes it still gets so heavy and shameful, even knowing in my heart it wasn’t my fault, sometimes my brain forgets. And as I’ve said to so many others – if my posting can touch one life. Then everything has been worth it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s exactly it right there. I know for me personally, writing has been a very therapeutic experience and I have met and related with people I would have not crossed paths with otherwise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not much on “coincidence” so I also value those “path crossings” I experience. Too easy to have an opportunity missed if we aren’t conscious of where life takes us. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautifully written..I must say you are really brave.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dunno about brave. Sometimes it feels more like stupid. But I try. Thanks for the encouragement!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus. I just came over from Jason’s Meet and Greet. I can relate to the anxiety and depression that you suffer from and have had a read of some f your poems too,
I love the way you express yourself so eloquently and honestly. It’s nice to meet you 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Nice to meet you as well. I’ve met a lot of great people from Jason’s Meet and Greet posts. I appreciate your kind words on my poetry. It does tend to echo my emotional state.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will definitely be back again 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus
I apologize for taking so long to respond. I have Chronic Lyme and we started IV Therapy this weekend. I would like to get impression of the site. You can email me at msandorm@verizon.net.
Have a great Monday.
Melinda
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus. I applaud you! Say it like it is. It is the only way to awakening the higher consciousness in yourself that will at some point more often than not, remind you that you are not your body and what was done to it, you are a perfect child of God. You are uniquely qualified by your own horrible experience to help others who have not journeyed as far as you yet. That is a gift and a purpose. You will never go back to where you started even though that pesky depression haunts you still. It is an unfolding, a process and you have a beautiful and generous heart. Thank you for sharing it on your blog.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you for those kind words. It’s one thing to know in my head that what happened isn’t me and not my fault — convincing the heart isn’t always so easy.
LikeLiked by 2 people
The heart knows the truth, the mind works overtime forcing the same neuropathways we are so tired of we could scream. It is hard to change the mind, but not impossible, little by little you are doing it. You can still love yourself and accept yourself even in the midst of those emotions, just saying it has power. Peace Marcus.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Marcus
I may understand what you mean by your comment. You know Robert Goldstein, he’s on our team, I see you two have talked. If you have any questions, please talk to Robert. Then email me msandorm@verizon.net and let’s talk.
Melinda
Survivors Blog Here
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am ‘1 of 6’, and I find it hard to say too.
But after reading this, I realized that you have a point I must be honest to myself.
I feel better now, though I didn’t remember it this past few days.
I really feel every words you use in your blog, since I was a psychologist.
Thank you for sharing this, thank you for inspiring people.
I am supporting you now and all your works.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your kind encouragement. I find every time you can tell your story, or even admit to it – it gets easier. I used to think it’s because I was getting numb to the bruising … I think now the burden actually becomes lighter. The shame lessens too, each time someone hears us and accepts us. Thank you again.
LikeLiked by 3 people
More thank you.
We can be better everyday.
LikeLike
I think you’re very brave and courageous. I encourage to keep writing there’s healing in that. 🌟
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for the encouragement 🙂 It helps to know others see and “hear” what I’m saying.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re most welcome, I’ve survived a few pitfalls and dark times myself. I’m always happy to be supportive. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve added you to my recent review Marcus! Check it out on the link below!
http://aopinionatedman.com/2015/12/08/weekly-blog-reviews-9/
LikeLiked by 3 people
I am … stunned. Caught me by surprise with this one. Thank you for the kind words and the ‘publicity’ 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
No worries bud! 🙂
LikeLike
Hi Marcus… I love your blog and helping mankind open up to all our ways and suffering… We are certainly not alone and we can one heart at a time allow ourself to see we are here now and have a choice to be the change. I’m going to enjoy your journey, love to you X barbara
LikeLiked by 2 people
Barbara, Thank you for visiting and for your very kind, encouraging words. I started this blog in hopes of reaching one person – I have been blown away by the number of responses/contacts I receive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus thank you for stopping by my Blog and for the Follow! I Follow you too now! Your Blog is very motivational and helpful to others and to you, is great that you are able to write in all the ways that you like to express yourself. Also writing it is a great way for you to recover from your past…there is a quote that say that when you can write your pain out without crying then means that you are recovering! In any case I think that tears are another great way to let go things out and it helps! I hope that you enjoy my Blog and my Art I am an Artist Designer and I like to express my creativity in many different ways…stay connected! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have to agree that tears are part of it… sometimes I think tears while writing it out are a greater benefit. I will enjoy following your site – you are very talented.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Marcus I am happy to have you here I leave you one of my Poems…
http://yesterdayafter.com/2015/07/15/the-walk/
LikeLike
I too, was a victim of childhood sexual abuse – over a period of at least 10 years. I sunk into the abyss of self-blame, mental illness and alcoholism. I’ve been sober now for over 16 years, but struggling through the muck of mental illness has taken longer, and taken a toll on my life. My abuser is gone, and I still cannot truly understand how someone could do that to a child. I too struggled with this for over 50 years. I can say that I see my therapist every other week now, when two years ago I was seeing one twice a week. I explore and express my feelings, thoughts and emotions mostly through poetry on my blog, “vanbenschoten – Abuse. Getting it off my chest.” If you’re ever interested to check in on me and see how I’m doing. Peace.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Keep writing , this is really therapeutic. We are just here for you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks. Writing sometimes is still a major effort – and sometimes I give in to my own needs and “hide” for a while. But yes, it can be very therapeutic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
God bless you : )
LikeLike
Hi Marcus,
I read your wonderful comments on my blog. You mentioned following to keep up with my articles. I would love that. I offer three free incentives for subscribing. Then, you will never miss an article.
Your post mentioned your love for poetry. I am publishing a post about poetry in three and a half hours.
Janice
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have subscribed 🙂
I don’t see the poetry post – could you send me the link? I guess I’m running blind – must be all the snow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Snow LOL! Excited! Going to computer.
LikeLike
Marcus, I don’t see the notification =(. Did you activate your subscription link in your Email? I bet that’s why you can’t see my poetry post.
Janice
LikeLike
I got ‘How to create Infographics’, ‘Inspire Me Monday’, and ‘Shocking Way to be Successful’. But no poetry post.
LikeLike
Hi Marcus, 1. I don’t see you on my subscriber lists. I wonder how you got the Emails. Do you mind if I ask how you subscribed? Marcus, the poetry post is “Shocking Way to be Successful” The shocking way is to network with poets.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing. How brave of you to write this blog. I look forward to reading more about your journey. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are most welcome. Thank you for stopping by and commenting 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“the play’s the thing”….
LikeLiked by 1 person
hello there!!just stopped by to say hi!!bye
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are very welcome!!
LikeLike
“Forgiveness” is harder than it sounds. People who say, “Just forgive!” have either survived horror and truly been able to forgive, or they have no idea what real hurt is and just repeat words. I’ve found that most people who say “forgive” are from the latter group.
BUT
In an undergrad class, I learned something that changed my life: depression stems from anger; anger stems from unforgiven hurt. Sounds trite, but it’s helped me tremendously. On the days when I can choose to forgive, the darkness isn’t quite as deep. Some days I just can’t choose to forgive…and on some of those days, I choose it anyway. Those few days are the real victories.
Glad to know you’re in good Hands; without God, I can’t do it. With him, we can do anything. XO
Found you at HaRsh ReaLiTy. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for this incredible comment! And you are right – without His guidance none of this would be possible, including my blog. What I’m finding out is forgiveness is not always a one-shot deal. Sometimes I’m forgiving the same person for the same hurt more than once … whether that means I didn’t truly forgive the first time I don’t know. But even after the first time, additional ones are easier… not necessarily simple – but less difficult, if that makes any sense.
Glad you came by after seeing me on HaRsh 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Completely true; you’re so right.
I guess that’s where the “7 x 70” bit comes in. Once, someone pointed that out to me and I asked, “So, once I’ve forgiven them 490 times, I can stop?” 😉 Apparently that’s not the point…lol
LikeLike
no – I’m told that’s not the point either … 7 being a “perfect number” and 70 a multiplier of that — guess it’s just a simple way of saying infinity?
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 Sounds perfect.
LikeLike
Hi! Several weeks ago, you said you’d be interested in writing a guest post for my blog about PTSD and/or sexual abuse. The last person backed out, so you’re next! If you’re still interested, I’d need your post sometime before next Sunday morning. You can email the post to me at otterlover58@gmail.com
Please send in text format, not as an attached word document (I don’t have MS office so I wouldn’t be able to open or edit it).
Please email me at the above and let me know if you are still willing to do this and could have your post ready by then. Thanks so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m speachless reading your blog! And I absolutely admire your spirit.So glad ,that i’ve found your blog.Very powerfull and your words going right under my skin.Right in the heart! Thank you
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I’m glad you found it powerful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I nominated you for Music Mondays Award
Details Here:
http://robertmgoldstein.com/2016/04/06/mondays-music-words-award-music-mwa/
If you don’t do awards please accept this as an expression of my esteem.
Rob Goldstein
LikeLiked by 1 person
I applaud you for your courage 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you!
LikeLike
Hello Marcus!
I’ve nominated you for the Respect Award…
You don’t have to do a thing…
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Thank You” just doesn’t cover it – but it’s the best I have …
(is it a bad thing when a writer admits to “not having the words” ….?)
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s my pleasure Marcus..:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
you know my heart well and as a brother survivor and friend i am so thrilled to see you finding a voice for the pain. i have only begun to blog this journey but the possible rewards as you say are too great to ignore. great job man!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m thrilled to find your voice as well. It is good to see you turning survivor into thriver. Even if in small steps 🙂
LikeLike
Your blog is a welcome addition to those that I follow. My background is similar to yours, and I look forward to reading your posts. All the best.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I am sorry to hear about the similar background, but it is still good to meet you. I shall be visiting your blog soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am really sorry this happened to you. I know that men experience extreme invalidation and victim shaming out of the neurotypical orcs. You are extremely brave and badass for getting your story out there!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the visit and the kind words!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Marcus
Only people who truly want to help others open their heart, pain, healing. 1 in 6 is not on the public radar, it’s beyond understanding. I was touched by you honesty and raw emotion. I would like to reblog to Survivors Blog Here, I wanted to ask first. It feels like stealing any other way.
🙂
M
LikeLiked by 1 person
With all the good you are doing – and your own “light shedding”, I would be honored if you reblogged. Feel be free anytime you wish to do so. To me that’s not “stealing”, that’s helping me spread the light a little further.
LikeLike
I love this page! I’ve been a “successful survivor” for a couple decades now, after almost ending my own life. It’s so good to see you out here articulating the thoughts and feelings we all tend to share. We’re all different, but the same.
I just got into blogging, and I’m working on a book detailing my journey, and what it took for me to shed my victim skin and start living. It’s been the hardest journey of my life, but it’s also made me who I am…and today I’m good with that.
Keep up the great work!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is always great hearing from another survivor! I am excited for you on your book as well as your blog. As for the latter – I will be over later today to take a good look!
Thanks again for stopping by and for following!
LikeLike
You’ve made a lot of people feel less alone.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks.
LikeLike
This post truly touched my soul.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Marcus, your testimony touched my heart. I wish you peace as you pursue your dreams.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’ve touched a lot of people. Peace.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Marcus,
I found you through Dream Big’s Networking list and I am so glad I did. Your words have touched me deeply. I was abused in my teens and took it on as my fault. I didn’t deal with it properly (or at all) so I married an abuser and didn’t have much support. I am now in a very loving marriage but my husband had to “prove” himself in the first years and I feel bad for that. I will you peace as you carry on and look forward to reading more of your story. For all I went through, I do believe that abuse is much harder on men.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for your kind comments. I wish you Peace this season.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you as well
LikeLike
Wow!
I’m out of words.
I found you from Danny’s “Dream Big” blog network…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for coming by.
LikeLiked by 1 person
very nice to meet you Marcus! I blog here http://therapybits.com/ I have complex ptsd and dissociative identity disorder if you’d like to check me out i’d be honoured!
LikeLiked by 2 people