survivor road

The following quote is from the Statistics page at 1in6.org (https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/)

Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects.

If you’ve had such an experience, or think you might have, you are not alone.

If you wonder whether such an experience may be connected to some difficulties or challenges in your life now, you are not alone.

I am a 1-in-6. And that is possibly one of the hardest statements I’ve ever made. It messed up the first 50 years of my life. First the abuse itself, then the aftermath. Depression. Suicidal thoughts (or what psychiatrists like to call “idealization”). Anxiety. Panic attacks. And I was suffering from those before I remembered even one abusive occasion from my childhood. After remembering add nightmares and flashbacks. But they have all but quit after some years of good therapy with someone who knew how to deal with me where I was. Anxiety? Less. Panic attacks? Almost gone. Depression? Almost constant. What can I say – I’m a “work in progress”. Like any other malady, it’s not a one-shot fix. And it’s not easy.

But it is rewarding. And if you’re reading this thinking it worked for me but won’t for you – I would just ask that you not give up. I was there, first refusing to believe it happened, or admit it happened – then refusing to believe I could get better. I reached a moment where I had to be honest with myself. Then I could be honest with others. Then I could get better. Am I finished with my recovery? No. But I am so many miles ahead of where I used to be. No 2:00am calls to 911 because of panic. That alone is such a massive improvement in my life.

That’s why this web site. Me, recovering. It started being more of a place to write poetry/prose, to release my depression “on paper” but to share it at the same time. It is slowly morphing into more of a blog. More of a place where I talk about what’s going on. No, not daily. At least not yet. Don’t care if it’s ever daily. What matters is I’m walking forward, away from being a victim. I am a survivor. And that is what I wish for you if you, too, are a “1-in-6”.

Please understand, I’m not saying that you or anyone else is a statistic. It’s just a label I use – and you know labels are nothing more than opinions we stamp on things and people so we can file them properly in the brain. I hope for you recovery, health, peace. If only one person finds anything here that helps them, then this site has been worth it. And it’s already hit that milestone. Will it help you? I don’t know. Even if it doesn’t I am still completely convinced you can recover. …and if you’re in the mood – check out my poetry page… or, if you prefer just blogging stuff – that’s in The Daily Grind.

Please remember:

Recovery isn’t looking at life through rose-colored glasses.
It’s looking at life honestly and then living it.

Peace.