pain – enemy of the depressed

i am now officially tired of hurting.  the pain in my shoulder has gone from excrutiating to intolerable.  not that the level has gone up; if anything it’s down.  but it is non-stop.  and i’m just tired of dealing with it.

had steroid shots Tuesday.  they actually seem to have helped, although they certainly have not removed the pain or the need for a pain med.  i’m afraid of asking the doctor for another refill, but as it is the current set will run out Sunday morning and the thought of going even 24 hours without some relief makes me shake.

so i’ve written and given him the current “state of the union” as it were, and asked if he’ll refill my prescription.  also asked if we will be trying more steroid shots.  if two can start relief, maybe two more will further it along…

wishful thinking?  maybe.  at this point, don’t have much else.

i am just so TIRED.  dealing with the depression had me at the point of exhaustion.  how the bling-blang am i supposed to add something else to the energy drain???

something is going to have to give.

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8 thoughts on “pain – enemy of the depressed

  1. Not meaning to sound dismissive, but I FEEL YOUR PAIN. For me, when my pain is strong, all the other stuff (anxiety, sleep etc) seems to fall apart. It does feel like it’s hard to keep it all together, but I am learning (the key word is learning) to try to be just with the pain (not in it, but with it) sometimes just being a bit gentle and not trying to fight it or not trying to be like everyone else can make things a bit easier.

    I am here for you.

    Harlon

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    • Harlon,
      I’ve heard that phrase before, being “with the pain not in it” but it doesn’t seem to connect with my brain. I don’t get it. How can I be WITH it when all the time i’m IN it?
      ps – you don’t sound dismissive at all, good friend. I am learning to trust your voice. So — any insight on how to be with vs be in??

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      • People have used that phrase with me, and I still don’t know if I fully grasp it. I think for me, when I was in pain, I was using energy to fight it, either mental energy on focusing in on how lousy I felt or physical energy trying to distract myself. Maybe it’s not the best expression, perhaps a better way is be gentle with yourself – there is so much pressure in our society to be well and perfect. It’s OK not to be – maybe a good way to be with it, is by not really noticing it, and that’s where distractions can come in handy. Netflix works for me 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You and my wife seem to share the same situation. Her pain just worsens. While I can focus energy and subjugate pain, she endures through meds, icing, heat, physical therapy, and diet. But one area improves for her and another area worsens. Her sleeping, thinking, emotions, energy, eating, exercising…everything is affected. Then, like you, she’s like, “Please give me another steroid shot.” She says it gets to the point that she’ll do anything to alleviate the pain. It’s immediate and persistent.

    I feel helpless in the face of it, unable to do anything for either of you. For me, it’s a matter of feeling the pain and narrowing down into it with thought. Then I visualize blue energy surrounding and embracing it. Then I tell myself, there is no pain.

    The differences between approaches and results demonstrate again that we’re all human but individual and unique. What works for one fails for another.

    I’ll do what I do for her, send you energy and hope that helps. It’s the only thing I know to do. Sometimes it seems to help her but her pain seems to consume a lot of energy, like the old star-eater in Star Trek.

    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • Knowing I’ve been heard is incredible help, for that I thank you. I understand your wife – that point where you’re ready to do anything to get away from the pain. It’s a horrid place to be; fortunately it’s not a typical place for me. Though maybe if it was I could cope better …

      Liked by 1 person

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