if one more person wishes me a happy new year i may actually tell them what i think of trite, empty, meaningless phrases. and IF they actually MEAN to wish me a “happy” new year, then they don’t know me very well. OR they enjoy watching me seethe and are actually trying to get me upset. i suppose that’s always a possibility. more likely to be true.
i am trying to cope. truly. lately i am forgetting to take any of my medications in the morning. and often in the evening. but the morning one is worse because my anti-anxiety med is a morning med. so now my nerves are jumpier than a caffeine overdose. i’m irritable and jumpy. not a good combination when i’m at work AND i’m the on-call person for the next 7 days which means 24/7 coverage of all priority issues.
and of course without the anti-anxiety med, anything unusual and my brain goes into overdrive – no heart med today, bet i’m having a heart attack. or no, maybe it’s just anxiety. damn, now i’m hyperventilating. over-react. over-react. over-react.
am i forgetting? or am i trying to kill myself by not taking my heart meds? there i go again, setting up a panic attack.
oh yippie – another “happy holidays” wisher.
this is not going to be a good day.