The end of the year means a lot of things to a lot of people. Resolutions, parties, hangovers (?) — the list goes on. For me it typically means something slightly different…
time to find a doctor
Mind you, with my medical history, i don’t go long without a doctor “of record” to refill prescriptions, etc. But eventually, within a year’s time, i will be in for a check-up so prescriptions can be verified and the inevitable comes up.
“Marc, when was your last physical?”
Thus begins the end. My trying to explain why i don’t have full physical exams. Why, after years of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from older siblings, not to mention once being … mishandled … by a doctor – i don’t relish the idea of some stranger poking and prodding. But he’s not a stranger – he’s my doctor, right?
WRONG. He’s someone i see every three or four months for about ten minutes. That’s a stranger. i don’t develop trust in under an hour. And trusting a doctor? HAH! Not on your life.
Eventually i will lose my temper with the constant badgering and he’ll say something along the lines of “Maybe it would be good if you found someone else. I am willing to remain your doctor, of course, but it seems you would be happier with someone else.” And thus my search begins.
Sooner or later i may run out of doctors with my HMO. Except they seem to rotate through – old leaving, new coming on – and since i usually change facilities when i change doctors, maybe i can get through the rest of my career without running out. Heaven only knows i will never repeat a mistake of the past.
I keep hoping that this doctor will be the understanding one, the patient one, the one that will work WITH me to develop that trust so maybe i can find the courage to have a “full physical exam”.
Of course, it wouldn’t hurt if i could find a cute doctor along the way … but that could bring up a whole new raft of problems.