what a year. this nation has seen crisis after crisis, and political mayhem … but i will most likely remember this as the year i didn’t take my life. never before has it felt like a viable option. never before have i felt so empty, useless, and alone.
“alone” is the biggest culprit. facing this season solitary feels harsh and cruel. i’ve managed others, so why is this one hitting me so hard? maybe it’s just after the year i’ve had … maybe it’s the culmination of many empty Christmas/New Years piling together. maybe it’s my age. maybe it’s everything together.
don’t get me wrong, i’ve met some good people online through this blog. and i have my kids and grandkids. and, being Christmas, i’m busy, as usual, with music. but … it’s just not enough. and maybe that makes me sound greedy – maybe i AM greedy – it might even be time for me to be a little self-indulgent. Lord knows that would be a first.
i should probably take solace in the realization that i intend to finish out this year alive. that could be seen as a major accomplishment, and maybe it is. but what good is success when there’s no one to share it with?
with everything else – this could go down as the most miserable, lonely year of my life. and if the trend follows …
2017 is not something to look forward to.