this anti-social time of year

i hate this time of year.  Life plummets on my birthday and continues its rapid downward spiral until the second or third week of January.  It takes practically every fiber of my being to not pull the plug on this blog and just withdraw completely.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.  But not quite.  Holiday Syndrome.  But not really.  Doctors love to give labels – it allows them to shrug it off as “normal” and “not to be worried about, here, take this pill…”

Why is it so hard to understand when i get this way the LAST thing i want to do is take another pill??!?  Unless it’s the “end-it-all” pill.  Then i might actually consider it.  And THAT takes me to a scary place.

No – i’m not suicidal.  Not really.  But if a mad gunman raced into the hospital and started shooting, i might just go out and say ‘hi’…

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11 thoughts on “this anti-social time of year

  1. I understand completely, that is why I treat the holidays as just regular days with just really good meals.
    I thought nearly the same as you about the gunman, except in my control environment way, I thought why not get paid for stepping out in front of the gunman? Hence, going into law enforcement. I got to save lives, catch the bad guys and put my life on the line without suicide. Retirement is very hard trying to keep my mind busy so with all the yummy stuff I’m cooking and baking. I’m here should you need me friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My Dearest Friend you don’t know how close to the truth you are. I have been pronounced dead 4xs yet back then I still had hope and fought to live. Now it will be different, I am damaged, hope is no longer a dream and I have no reason to fight death. I have lived a adventurous life, no regrets, death means no more pain, no more pushing beyond my limits, it is actually a welcoming thought but “NOT” enough to take my own life. I will keep pushing for my mom but then when death comes for me I will not fight but go willingly.

    Liked by 1 person

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