watched one of my favorite crime dramas yesterday afternoon. i will admit, i enjoy watching the “bad guy” get caught. i appreciate all the work our law enforcement officers do every day and the danger they step into to “serve and protect”.
one of the episodes yesterday was unsettling. a teacher that whips his class into a frenzy – teaching them about hate (like anyone needs to LEARN that one) — at one point they are doing a “mock lynching” and have a student blindfolded and tied up and are marching him off into the woods, screaming and yelling. all in the name of learning, of course.
then the teacher grins and says “strip him”. and they do.
and i lost it.
all the junk, all the horror of being in that helpless position, feeling yourself degraded and humiliated by people who are SUPPOSED to be your friends.
i spent the next few hours curled up crying. uncontrolled and inconsolable.
i’m exhausted this morning. it’s like i ran a dozen 5k’s. or suffering with the flu. my muscles have no strength. my joints ache. i feel fragile. brittle. and overburdened with grief.
this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. you’d think by now i would know these kind of shows can trigger me.
i should know better.
sometimes i’m my own worst enemy.