anguish

it has been a long time since i hated myself as much as i do today
i am having a very hard time concentrating on the tasks at hand
i am miserable
my body hurts
i am more than just tired – fatigue doesn’t even come close
i just want to give up
finally
just give up
but this blasted “hope” so anchored in my soul won’t allow that
so i sit in this pain
in this torment
and i cry because there is nothing else to do
i have to pull it together and get to work
before someone comes
and i am found out

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8 thoughts on “anguish

  1. Oh, I feel every word of this! I know how very hard it is to pull oneself together and keep going to work, despite all the dark feelings inside. It is so strong of you that you keep doing that! That you keep on fighting. It is eerie how I can relate to every word you write here, even about this small hope that still lives inside, somehow, a small glimmer of hope that things can get better.
    I wish you strength, peace, energy, joy. Please hang in there and take care. ⚘

    Liked by 1 person

  2. all I can say is be strong. I have been there. let the pain pass through and become powerless….and so what if anyone finds out, there is nothing to hide from, they have no power over you… that I have learned. be strong, you are strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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