Fakes and phonies. i’m sure we’ve all dealt with them in one way or another. Those of us ‘fortunate’ enough to live in the U.S. are seeing a lot of it. But that i can cope with – it’s detached from who i am, there are alternatives to the pretenders.
In the realm of survivors there are also the wanna-be’s. Those that, for whatever reason, have latched onto the idea that they must be surviving something bad in their past. And maybe they are, i can’t judge. But when they come at me with the ‘you can trust me’ and ‘I only want to be a friend’ and ‘tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine’… [anyone else get shivers from the ‘you show me yours I’ll show you mine’ sound-alike??]
It happened today at a support site i frequent. Someone trying to ‘buddy-up’ to me as this trustable, likeable, friendly soul who just began his journey of discovery into his own path of recovery — deciding he will be my life-long friend and confidant. i will grant that he did state it was up to me. But jumping into the clearing, proclaiming himself to be a fellow survivor, and being able (not to mention strong enough emotionally) to be a solid friend. What is that? i am extremely wary of anyone pushing to be my ‘friend’ to begin with, but someone who is supposedly just starting his own recovery … when i was in that space, i was in no condition to be someone’s ‘buddy’ – nor do i believe others who say they are. Maybe i’m wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time.
One thing for certain, though – i will remain safe.
Possibly once i have evidence of his honesty … but actually, after his rush-in approach, it’s doubtful i will find a place of trust with him. My error? Maybe. My loss? I suppose there’s a chance … But that old adage “better safe than sorry” runs through my head …
and i’ve been sorry before.