so how ARE you? Really.

So I’m out walking during lunch and one of the guys from my department passes by and asks how I’m doing.  Now, he knows (some of) the struggles I’m going through, I give him a slightly-accurate answer: “Managing.  Each day is a struggle, but it’s another day.”  which is close enough to truth.  Couldn’t be a dozen steps later and one of the happy-always-smiling-always-cheerful types walks by – asks me also how I’m doing.  My response?  “Doin’ great.  How are you?”  And she answers as we pass and that’s the end of it.  Or so I think.

I glance back for whatever reason (still don’t know for sure why) and catch the look I’m getting from the first guy which is somewhat disbelieving – incredulous… So what just happened?  Obviously the answer I gave him is no where near the answer I gave the second person who asked.  And now the issue (at least in my brain) is – why?

Should be obvious, right?  The one who asks who really has an interest gets a truer answer than the person who asks because it’s polite to ask.  But is that really it?  Or is it deeper?  The answer I give a man is different than the answer I give a woman … UGH – I hate personal insights.

Truth is, typically – I am much less open, much more untrusting when it comes to conversation with a woman.  Yes, we can trace a lot of that back to my older sisters when I was little … and my mother for that matter …  Interestingly, in a social gathering, it’s more likely I will be talking to two or three women than two or three men.  Of course, I’m more guarded, so much less “me” – and in that respect, much more casual and appearing relaxed around women.

Again – I truly hate introspection because it inevitably brings about person growth, and growth HURTS.

so how am I?  Really?

If I were doin’ any better I’d be triplets.


2 thoughts on “so how ARE you? Really.

  1. Marcus
    Personal growth or any growth can feel uncomfortable, causing us to ask questions. When you have a traumatic background like we do, any step towards trusting anyone is a big step forward. I still have trust issues and knee jerk reactions when certain buttons are hit. I think you are moving forward and providing support to others who may not be where your at emotionally.


    • Thanks for the confirmation that struggles are often common. And if not the exact same – still sharing them lessens the load, even a little. And every ounce matters in this walk.


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