deathly dependable

curled tight
   my knees beneath my chin
      tight to my chest

breathing too rapid
   can’t catch my breath
      too much
   too fast

i see the world
      but observe little
the clock on the wall
   maddening
      its rhythmic tick hitting
         like the baseball bat
   or his fists

i am tired
   i don’t wish to do this anymore
      let me quit
      throw in the towel
      give up
   be the loser that i am

the ticking will surely drive me mad
         and yet
   something more pervasive continues
      louder than the clock
         colder
                  crueler

and as i lay there i weep
   longing to escape the constant
      angry sound
of the beating
               of my heart

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One thought on “deathly dependable

  1. I hear you. The maddening tick of the clock (I have 3) and the beating of my heart. When I was young, my heartbeat would seem to get louder, and I thought it was footsteps in the night. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn’t.

    Like

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