cries of the lone wolf

i didn’t ask to be alone.  i didn’t ask to be facing each day in solitude.  no hand to hold.  no voice whispering “you’ll get through this“.   social media … yeah – social.  right.  and let’s not forget the chat portions of online gaming.  real connections there, let me tell you.

yet here i am, same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that and so on ad infinitum.  world without end.  amen.

life loses a lot of its color when it’s viewed from this angle.  this craving to belong turns the world black and white – very few shades of grey – good/bad.  right/wrong.  happy/anguished.  a world of polar opposites where neither goal is to be desired as they both have their shortcomings.

i  am gradually coming to the realization that things will never change.  but to look ahead five, ten, twenty years — things as they are — the thought is too depressing.

not to be pitied, though.  this world is my creation.  i built the walls that hold everyone out.  i dug the moat and raised the barricades to ensure my safety.

never realized i would need to be safe from myself…

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11 thoughts on “cries of the lone wolf

  1. Deep introspection here. Powerfully written.

    We do create our own worlds to some extent. The limited amount of people that I keep in my inner circle (due to trust issues) is very limited. So out of my own choice, I have a small group of friends.

    Be well my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am very touched by this writing – I have almost exactly these same feelings right now, just wrote a poem about it which I will publish later today. Reading this wonderful piece of writing that you wrote, somehow makes me feel a bit less lonely. I hope you know that you have my respect, admiration and – friendship,( for what it is worth, even if it is here in cyberspace). Take care. ⚘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The world is constantly changing, but the increments are so small and the direction, so scattered it seems to keep time at a stand still. The willingness to step outside from “within” can be a scary adventure. There is a trade off in life with every action we take. The harm from the past can make it difficult to believe the future can offer any better. This becomes a personal decision each of us must make. Do we remain confined and “safe,” or step outside our “comfort zone” and take SMALL incremental steps to finding a life that better defines the lifestyle we CHOOSE to live?

    Liked by 1 person

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