i didn’t ask to be alone. i didn’t ask to be facing each day in solitude. no hand to hold. no voice whispering “you’ll get through this“. social media … yeah – social. right. and let’s not forget the chat portions of online gaming. real connections there, let me tell you.
yet here i am, same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that and so on ad infinitum. world without end. amen.
life loses a lot of its color when it’s viewed from this angle. this craving to belong turns the world black and white – very few shades of grey – good/bad. right/wrong. happy/anguished. a world of polar opposites where neither goal is to be desired as they both have their shortcomings.
i am gradually coming to the realization that things will never change. but to look ahead five, ten, twenty years — things as they are — the thought is too depressing.
not to be pitied, though. this world is my creation. i built the walls that hold everyone out. i dug the moat and raised the barricades to ensure my safety.
never realized i would need to be safe from myself…