cries of the lone wolf

i didn’t ask to be alone.  i didn’t ask to be facing each day in solitude.  no hand to hold.  no voice whispering “you’ll get through this“.   social media … yeah – social.  right.  and let’s not forget the chat portions of online gaming.  real connections there, let me tell you.

yet here i am, same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that and so on ad infinitum.  world without end.  amen.

life loses a lot of its color when it’s viewed from this angle.  this craving to belong turns the world black and white – very few shades of grey – good/bad.  right/wrong.  happy/anguished.  a world of polar opposites where neither goal is to be desired as they both have their shortcomings.

i  am gradually coming to the realization that things will never change.  but to look ahead five, ten, twenty years — things as they are — the thought is too depressing.

not to be pitied, though.  this world is my creation.  i built the walls that hold everyone out.  i dug the moat and raised the barricades to ensure my safety.

never realized i would need to be safe from myself…


11 thoughts on “cries of the lone wolf

  1. Deep introspection here. Powerfully written.

    We do create our own worlds to some extent. The limited amount of people that I keep in my inner circle (due to trust issues) is very limited. So out of my own choice, I have a small group of friends.

    Be well my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am very touched by this writing – I have almost exactly these same feelings right now, just wrote a poem about it which I will publish later today. Reading this wonderful piece of writing that you wrote, somehow makes me feel a bit less lonely. I hope you know that you have my respect, admiration and – friendship,( for what it is worth, even if it is here in cyberspace). Take care. ⚘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The world is constantly changing, but the increments are so small and the direction, so scattered it seems to keep time at a stand still. The willingness to step outside from “within” can be a scary adventure. There is a trade off in life with every action we take. The harm from the past can make it difficult to believe the future can offer any better. This becomes a personal decision each of us must make. Do we remain confined and “safe,” or step outside our “comfort zone” and take SMALL incremental steps to finding a life that better defines the lifestyle we CHOOSE to live?

    Liked by 1 person

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