futility
to search for acceptance
for understanding
or love
I stand at the crossroads
longing for truth
hoping for peace
needing
wanting
he haunted my night
as so often is the case
when sleep abandons
and torment rejoices
my cries – stifled
my pleas – unanswered
my pain – his delight
and so I remain
standing
searching
hoping
in vain
for in truth
it matters little
which path is picked
or even
to retrace my steps
and go back
because there is no resolution
no answer
which leaves me pondering
why I continue at all
on mornings like this
survivor road 
Aww Marcus this is so moving…I feel those feelings you felt inside me right now reading this. I’m a sexual abuse survivor and although I’m female can relate so much to your beautiful writing. I hope writing brings healing for you-lots of hugs xxx
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Thank you for the visit and the kind words. There was a time I thought a woman would never understand – I have (thankfully) come to the realization that abuse leaves us all strewn along the same pathway.
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I’ve attended many adult survivor groups and heard men speak about their experiences (and watched them cry too,) so that’s given me a great insight and made me realise abuse universally has devastating effects regardless of gender. X
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Beautiful and sad. I don’t presume to completely understand your torment since I have not been through that which you have. But your poems does a great job of explaining the feelings. And make me wish I could help take away some of this pain, although that is impossible.. Hugs! 💜
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No, you can’t take away the pain. But your acceptance that my pain is real does wonders at lessening it.
Thank you!
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Glad to hear that.🌸
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So long as you keep waking up, you’ll have me, and a lot of others, there with you. 🙂
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My heart hurts – may tomorrow be a better day ,Marcus
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Hope so, Daisy. Thanks.
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