without you here

shadows rise and fall
like the tide
and I hear your voice

just the knowledge of your presence
so near and yet
distant
is enough to tear at my being
until tears flood
and sorrow reigns

they say “life goes on”
and perhaps it does
for I still walk this earth

but the present day
with all its sunshine
is but a nagging reminder
of what used to be
and never again shall

one question remains
why do the memories
of abuse and terror and neglect
ring loudest
and trigger relapses
into fear
while thoughts of you
and the glory of your nearness
grow faint over time

with all that is in me
I wish
and hope
and dream
for a day
when life regains lustre
and pleasure becomes a hope
not only a fond memory

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