understanding the desire to veg

no, not become vegan 😉
veg
as in – do nothing.  be nothing.  hear/see/say/know nothing

maybe I should have titled this “accepting the desire to veg”.  or “accepting the NEED to veg” …

insane.  I don’t even want to write this post.  I truly want to do nothing.  absolutely nothing.  if I could, I’d get away with not breathing.  and trust me, I go through that every night.  lovely thing, apnea.  supposedly, sleep studies have shown I stop breathing on the average 70+ times a minute.  get that.  more than once a second.  I don’t see how that’s possible.  they must have something strange in their averaging algorithm.  maybe just taking the total time not breathing divided by the time of the study or something… so if you spend like 30 seconds not breathing at one point, it gets averaged into something unimaginable, like 70+ times a minute….

anyhoo … where was I?  oh – right.  veg.  not wanting to expend the energy required to even breathe.   or type a post for my blog.

but when faced with the undesirable, often the best approach is to march forward and (hopefully) through it.  into the dragon’s breath and beyond as it were.  so here I am.  marching.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate feeling this way.  No, strike that.  what I hate is having to keep progressing through time when all I really want is to just STOP.  understand, I’m not saying “die” … not saying “live” either.  just “Stop”.

and if you don’t understand … or you’ve never been here … then I sincerely hate you.

ok, too strong a word … but I really do …

sigh

this post is not working out

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5 thoughts on “understanding the desire to veg

  1. I do that. Quit doing. Hide away. Don’t answer the phone, emails, don’t leave the house and become a total recluse. It used to make me feel bad, unproductive, selfish, guilty, lazy and slovenly. Now, I love it. I love the freedom from the ‘shoulds,’ those stupid, pesky voices that tell us we have to always be productive without considering the most productive thing we can do sometimes is absolutely nothing, it’s a form of self care. And what I notice is that nobody else cares and the world does not stop rotating and that I can go unnoticed for quite a few days. There is an ancient saying, “We do without doing and everything gets done.” We can be still, everything will still be there after we have rested, regrouped. I don’t breathe either but tested to see that I was getting the required oxygen, the body adjusts in amazing ways. So much resolves itself after we walk away. You need a break, you’ve been through a lot of mental exhaustion, listen to your body and take one.

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    • I guess wonders truly never completely cease. People just don’t “get” me. Finding understanding is rare, though since starting this blog I have found being understood is not impossible. But harder to comprehend, even now, is there might be a woman who I relate to. Someone I can “connect” with.
      It’s good to know I’m not alone with the “withdraw and regroup” phase. Sometimes it just feels right — guess I do need to “listen to my body” more than I do. Too used to shoving those feelings aside … thanks for understanding. Thanks for helping me see.

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