to me, it’s a matter of the heart
and is often difficult at times to voice
occasionally embarrassing / humiliating
I have received word that when I removed a comment made to my MaleSurvivor post, and subsequently blogged on that issue [ anger management ]- I was in the wrong. I read. I re-read. And I saw where I had gone awry. I apologized to the writer, but was told since I wrote the post and removed the comment publicly, my apology should be public. When I mentioned humiliation, I was told if you’re humiliated, you’re not truly apologizing.
I disagree completely with that statement. Being humiliated by the sperm-donor anytime I accepted and admitted I did wrong has placed a heavy scar on my life. Feelings are never wrong. How we handle them could be – but having a feeling is not wrong. Feeling humiliation for admitting wrong and apologizing is still apologizing. Not accepting my feelings as valid … I’m not going there. I may offend yet again and that is not the purpose of this post. [maybe I’ll address feelings in a future post] …there is always the possibility the humiliation comes from admitting i’m wrong, not from apologizing. the two acts are just melded so tightly in my mind i can’t tell where it comes from…
However, I have hurt someone – which, for me, is never right – to which I apologize. The post I wrote was written in haste and in anger – and I know better than posting in times like that.
I am truly sorry for hurting someone’s feelings by over-reacting to their comment and not communicating with them to get the complete story. It was not the correct move for me to make. I do regret it. In the process I lost a possible contact with another survivor. Worse – I annihilated the chance for a friend, and I don’t have enough friends to chase them away, much less before they even become a friend.
I was wrong. And for that I am sorry.
ps – as this is an extremely personal post – I have disabled any comments on it. if you feel you must comment, please use my contact information, but know comments are not required for me.