what does ‘apology’ mean to you

to me, it’s a matter of the heart
and is often difficult at times to voice
occasionally embarrassing / humiliating

I have received word that when I removed a comment made to my MaleSurvivor post, and subsequently blogged on that issue [ anger management ]- I was in the wrong.  I read.  I re-read.  And I saw where I had gone awry.  I apologized to the writer, but was told since I wrote the post and removed the comment publicly, my apology should be public.  When I mentioned humiliation, I was told if you’re humiliated, you’re not truly apologizing.

I disagree completely with that statement.  Being humiliated by the sperm-donor anytime I accepted and admitted I did wrong has placed a heavy scar on my life.  Feelings are never wrong.  How we handle them could be – but having a feeling is not wrong.  Feeling humiliation for admitting wrong and apologizing is still apologizing.  Not accepting my feelings as valid … I’m not going there.  I may offend yet again and that is not the purpose of this post.  [maybe I’ll address feelings in a future post] …there is always the possibility the humiliation comes from admitting i’m wrong, not from apologizing.  the two acts are just melded so tightly in my mind i can’t tell where it comes from…

However, I have hurt someone – which, for me, is never right – to which I apologize.  The post I wrote was written in haste and in anger – and I know better than posting in times like that.

I am truly sorry for hurting someone’s feelings by over-reacting to their comment and not communicating with them to get the complete story.  It was not the correct move for me to make.  I do regret it.  In the process I lost a possible contact with another survivor.  Worse – I annihilated the chance for a friend, and I don’t have enough friends to chase them away, much less before they even become a friend.

I was wrong.  And for that I am sorry.

ps – as this is an extremely personal post – I have disabled any comments on it.  if you feel you must comment, please use my contact information, but know comments are not required for me.


One thought on “what does ‘apology’ mean to you

Comments are closed.