Can days be ugly? Stupid question – of course they can. Otherwise why would I title this post “ugly day”. i suppose one might think i mean a day where people are ugly, but it’s the day. The day is definitely ugly. It’s one of those days where i want to withdraw from society. Pull my writing, my book, my blog, everything. Just yank it off the net and give up on it.
i’ve put so much time into the book. Into this blog as well, i guess. It hurts to think i want to yank em, but there it is. i want to pull trash them. Just don’t ask me why. i don’t know why. except i do.
This is a notoriously bad time of year. So many nightmares culminate in the next two months.
This post has sat around a while in draft format. Saved, just not shared. i do that a lot. Write stuff i never share. Eventually throw them away. i don’t want to do that anymore but i can feel it growing. The desire – the NEED to destroy everything. To prove one more time that anyone who expends any effort reading my stuff or talking to me or even thinking about me is just wasting their time.
i don’t like feeling this way. there’s just nothing else for me to do but wait it out and see how it ends. Will he or won’t he pull the plugs. Will i?
i hate being like this