call it

what i wouldn’t pay
if it were easier
to say goodbye
although
i stand
at the place
where staying
is empty
and pointless
and all that stands
between me
and nothing
is
the flip of a coin

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8 thoughts on “call it

  1. Marcus, your thoughts and words are fully loaded, not empty. Be it coins or razors, I see a pattern here! I would like to share a game with you that I tried yesterday. The results were very profound after doing it repetitively over one afternoon. Get outside. With every person you see or observe, really look at them, and say to yourself, “I am just like them, they are just like me.” It destroys the brains self judgement cycle, obliterates it. It makes isolation and the feeling of separation fade away. If you watch someone with an obvious physical challenge, think about how it might feel to live like them, really get into it. Eventually, we start to feel we don’t want someone elses life, we want ours. We want our story whatever it is, we accept what happened in our personal story so far and we love ourselves no matter how we feel today. It is an unfolding and you’ve come so far, no coins flipping, no razors, just one damn foot in front of the other, because, I am just like you and you are just like me.

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    • I have struggled all my life with being like others. Always compared to others, how I’m no different. Other boys can climb that rope. Other guys can run further than a half block. No — I’m not like them, never was. And I won’t be made equal to others. I am an individual. I have fought hard for this. I understand the whole isolation and separation and loneliness bit … it’s a price I pay for being me. As much as I hate being alone and how much it tears me apart, it’s still better than being lumped in with everyone else. Thank you for the great comment – it’s just not me.

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      • I’m not talking about self esteem, which is what we think we are capable of. We all have gifts and talents, you have yours, the things you are much better at than others, the things that give you great joy when you are immersed in them. The point is about accepting that we all have gifts, burdens, doubts and fears. We are all conscious souls wandering the roads of life, doing the best we can with the gifts God gave us. I am not talking about conformity or being what others think you should be. I am talking about self acceptance for all that you are, right now, exactly as you are in this life. Not comparing yourself to others that may do something better. They would have trouble doing something you excel at. In that sense, we are all exactly the same. I’m not like most people either, don’t think like most people, but in this sense, as a conscious soul, I am exactly like everyone else, here for a purpose that is specific to me, as are you. That’s all.

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