why am i still here?

i turn 60 this month. In roughly 3 weeks i will be double the age i originally wished i was dead. Many stupid acts later – too many to count – i’m still here, still complaining, still screaming about injustice. No body listens, so why am i still ranting and raving, other than the fact that it helps release the turmoil.

Time to start looking seriously at my retirement accounts, figuring in Social Security (assuming it still exists) — everything looks good until about 2033 — I’ll be 83 then… about the age my parents died. Glad i have an adviser to help me work through these things. i just don’t have the drive to care much about it now. Which makes sense knowing i will seriously need this stuff. The minute something becomes important in my life is the moment i toss it to the garbage heap. Yeah, i’ve still got some self-acceptance issues.

Wonder if i’ll still be around in my 80’s. Yelling and screaming about injustice. Or if i will have given in (or given up) and shuffled off into some corner. Or been shuffled off by others.

And does any of it matter in the first place?

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