where do you see yourself

.... in five or ten years?

it's a simple question
   employers have asked it for years
except this time
      it's from my therapist

"where do you see yourself?"
   he asks again
      concern on his face
over the total lack of comprehension
   on mine

"i don't"
   is all i can say

in all honesty
      i don't see my life changing
   ever
     at all
yet i know i cannot
   will not
be able to live this way
      forever

he asks if i'm safe
      and i laugh

i have no desire
   no wish
      no thoughts
of ending my life

      i just don't see myself in five years

then the vision completes
      like a veil slipping away from my eyes

if my life does not change
      which i've already decided won't happen
when i turn sixty
      my heart will stop
i will need do nothing

      like my Native ancestors
   i just shall will
      to not live
and my heart
   out of obedience
      will stop

i don't see myself in five years
      because i'm not there to be seen

... when i turn 60?
                  i turned fifty-nine last fall
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