Welcome

The following quote is from the Statistics page at 1in6.org (https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/)

Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects.

If you’ve had such an experience, or think you might have, you are not alone.

If you wonder whether such an experience may be connected to some difficulties or challenges in your life now, you are not alone.

I am a 1-in-6. And that is possibly one of the hardest statements I’ve ever made. It messed up the first 50 years of my life. First the abuse itself, then the aftermath. Depression. Suicidal thoughts (or what psychiatrists like to call “idealization”). Anxiety. Panic attacks. And I was suffering from those before I remembered even one abusive occasion from my childhood. After remembering add nightmares and flashbacks. But they have all but quit after some years of good therapy with someone who knew how to deal with me where I was. Anxiety? Less. Panic attacks? Almost gone. Depression? Almost constant. What can I say – I’m a “work in progress”. Like any other malady, it’s not a one-shot fix. And it’s not easy.

But it is rewarding. And if you’re reading this thinking it worked for me but won’t for you – I would just ask that you not give up. I was there, first refusing to believe it happened, or admit it happened – then refusing to believe I could get better. I reached a moment where I had to be honest with myself. Then I could be honest with others. Then I could get better. Am I finished with my recovery? No. But I am so many miles ahead of where I used to be. No 2:00am calls to 911 because of panic. That alone is such a massive improvement in my life.

That’s why this web site. Me, recovering. It started being more of a place to write poetry/prose, to release my depression “on paper” but to share it at the same time. It is slowly morphing into more of a blog. More of a place where I talk about what’s going on. No, not daily. At least not yet. Don’t care if it’s ever daily. What matters is I’m walking forward, away from being a victim. I am a survivor. And that is what I wish for you if you, too, are a “1-in-6”.

Please understand, I’m not saying that you or anyone else is a statistic. It’s just a label I use – and you know labels are nothing more than opinions we stamp on things and people so we can file them properly in the brain. I hope for you recovery, health, peace. If only one person finds anything here that helps them, then this site has been worth it. And it’s already hit that milestone. Will it help you? I don’t know. Even if it doesn’t I am still completely convinced you can recover. …and if you’re in the mood – check out my poetry page… or, if you prefer just blogging stuff – that’s in The Daily Grind.

Please remember:

Recovery isn’t looking at life through rose-colored glasses.
It’s looking at life honestly and then living it.

Peace.

95 thoughts on “Welcome

  1. You wrote it well and real. You said, “,,, looking at life honestly and then living it.” That’s a great line. It seems to be the hardest thing for so many people to do. How long have you had this post up here? I find it hard to believe I’m the first to comment or like it. Perhaps it’s only been up a very short time. Although I never experienced anything like what you did, I do know of others who your writing will help, just by it being relate-able to what they are or have been through. Keep writing!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Marcus, I have to tell you I like what is coming from your mind, your intellect. You handle your words carefully but with warmth and knowledge behind the expression. Too often we are guided by raw emotion without the realization that the emotion itself can keep us prisoner to what is painful. On the other hand you seem to know that sharing can and often is the signal of moving forward, of blessed change in which a new you is possible, one who has experienced the unthinkable, but is able to turn that experience into something new. The apostle Paul is quoted as saying,”one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.” He goes on to say that this is a mature way of thinking but that if you think differently, God will help you by revealing it to you. In closing, this thought, he adds: “In any case, we should live up to whatever truth we have attained.” Keep on trying for He is with you. I hope your weekend will be a blessing of peace, and that it will provide the comfort you seek.

    Liked by 5 people

    • If I’m not careful I might get an ego reading words like yours. Wow — “intellect”. I dunno if anyone’s ever used that word in conjunction with me, lol. I find sometimes “forgetting what is behind” is so much easier to say than to do. Weekend was better, thanks. I was brought to an “epiphany” of sorts.
      “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it” — note it doesn’t say “I hope I can rejoice and be glad…”. Rejoicing and being glad is a choice. I’ve been told this type of thing before … this is the first time it’s actually started to sink in. All because I was humming an old chorus and the words suddenly hit me. “I *will* rejoice and be glad in it” …. I can only hope I can keep hold of this. Sometimes life is beyond weary.

      Liked by 5 people

    • I’m glad it touched. Sometimes you post never knowing if you’ll reach anyone or if anyone will benefit, so it’s always great to hear someone got something out of the site 🙂

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  3. Hi Marcus 🙂 It’s nice to meet you 🙂 I found your blog through OM’s Meet and Greet 🙂 Your story is so important. Sexual abuse does not get the voice it needs, not enough anyway, especially from the male population. The strength you show in your words, shows that you are a fighter, a survivor and someone that can truly help others who are walking that path, I hope they cross paths with you so they don’t have to walk it alone. I’m so glad you have reached a point in your life that you can share with us. I look forward to reading more 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s always good to meet someone new 🙂 Especially someone who likes to smile a lot :), LOL. Thank you for your encouraging words. Sometimes it still gets so heavy and shameful, even knowing in my heart it wasn’t my fault, sometimes my brain forgets. And as I’ve said to so many others – if my posting can touch one life. Then everything has been worth it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s exactly it right there. I know for me personally, writing has been a very therapeutic experience and I have met and related with people I would have not crossed paths with otherwise.

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        • I’m not much on “coincidence” so I also value those “path crossings” I experience. Too easy to have an opportunity missed if we aren’t conscious of where life takes us. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Marcus. I just came over from Jason’s Meet and Greet. I can relate to the anxiety and depression that you suffer from and have had a read of some f your poems too,
    I love the way you express yourself so eloquently and honestly. It’s nice to meet you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Marcus. I applaud you! Say it like it is. It is the only way to awakening the higher consciousness in yourself that will at some point more often than not, remind you that you are not your body and what was done to it, you are a perfect child of God. You are uniquely qualified by your own horrible experience to help others who have not journeyed as far as you yet. That is a gift and a purpose. You will never go back to where you started even though that pesky depression haunts you still. It is an unfolding, a process and you have a beautiful and generous heart. Thank you for sharing it on your blog.

    Liked by 2 people

      • The heart knows the truth, the mind works overtime forcing the same neuropathways we are so tired of we could scream. It is hard to change the mind, but not impossible, little by little you are doing it. You can still love yourself and accept yourself even in the midst of those emotions, just saying it has power. Peace Marcus.

        Like

  6. I am ‘1 of 6’, and I find it hard to say too.
    But after reading this, I realized that you have a point I must be honest to myself.
    I feel better now, though I didn’t remember it this past few days.
    I really feel every words you use in your blog, since I was a psychologist.
    Thank you for sharing this, thank you for inspiring people.
    I am supporting you now and all your works.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind encouragement. I find every time you can tell your story, or even admit to it – it gets easier. I used to think it’s because I was getting numb to the bruising … I think now the burden actually becomes lighter. The shame lessens too, each time someone hears us and accepts us. Thank you again.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Hi Marcus… I love your blog and helping mankind open up to all our ways and suffering… We are certainly not alone and we can one heart at a time allow ourself to see we are here now and have a choice to be the change. I’m going to enjoy your journey, love to you X barbara

    Liked by 1 person

    • Barbara, Thank you for visiting and for your very kind, encouraging words. I started this blog in hopes of reaching one person – I have been blown away by the number of responses/contacts I receive.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Marcus thank you for stopping by my Blog and for the Follow! I Follow you too now! Your Blog is very motivational and helpful to others and to you, is great that you are able to write in all the ways that you like to express yourself. Also writing it is a great way for you to recover from your past…there is a quote that say that when you can write your pain out without crying then means that you are recovering! In any case I think that tears are another great way to let go things out and it helps! I hope that you enjoy my Blog and my Art I am an Artist Designer and I like to express my creativity in many different ways…stay connected! 😉

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  9. I too, was a victim of childhood sexual abuse – over a period of at least 10 years. I sunk into the abyss of self-blame, mental illness and alcoholism. I’ve been sober now for over 16 years, but struggling through the muck of mental illness has taken longer, and taken a toll on my life. My abuser is gone, and I still cannot truly understand how someone could do that to a child. I too struggled with this for over 50 years. I can say that I see my therapist every other week now, when two years ago I was seeing one twice a week. I explore and express my feelings, thoughts and emotions mostly through poetry on my blog, “vanbenschoten – Abuse. Getting it off my chest.” If you’re ever interested to check in on me and see how I’m doing. Peace.

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  10. Hi Marcus,
    I read your wonderful comments on my blog. You mentioned following to keep up with my articles. I would love that. I offer three free incentives for subscribing. Then, you will never miss an article.
    Your post mentioned your love for poetry. I am publishing a post about poetry in three and a half hours.
    Janice

    Like

  11. “Forgiveness” is harder than it sounds. People who say, “Just forgive!” have either survived horror and truly been able to forgive, or they have no idea what real hurt is and just repeat words. I’ve found that most people who say “forgive” are from the latter group.
    BUT
    In an undergrad class, I learned something that changed my life: depression stems from anger; anger stems from unforgiven hurt. Sounds trite, but it’s helped me tremendously. On the days when I can choose to forgive, the darkness isn’t quite as deep. Some days I just can’t choose to forgive…and on some of those days, I choose it anyway. Those few days are the real victories.
    Glad to know you’re in good Hands; without God, I can’t do it. With him, we can do anything. XO

    Found you at HaRsh ReaLiTy. 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you for this incredible comment! And you are right – without His guidance none of this would be possible, including my blog. What I’m finding out is forgiveness is not always a one-shot deal. Sometimes I’m forgiving the same person for the same hurt more than once … whether that means I didn’t truly forgive the first time I don’t know. But even after the first time, additional ones are easier… not necessarily simple – but less difficult, if that makes any sense.
      Glad you came by after seeing me on HaRsh 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi! Several weeks ago, you said you’d be interested in writing a guest post for my blog about PTSD and/or sexual abuse. The last person backed out, so you’re next! If you’re still interested, I’d need your post sometime before next Sunday morning. You can email the post to me at otterlover58@gmail.com
    Please send in text format, not as an attached word document (I don’t have MS office so I wouldn’t be able to open or edit it).
    Please email me at the above and let me know if you are still willing to do this and could have your post ready by then. Thanks so much!

    Like

  13. I’m speachless reading your blog! And I absolutely admire your spirit.So glad ,that i’ve found your blog.Very powerfull and your words going right under my skin.Right in the heart! Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  14. you know my heart well and as a brother survivor and friend i am so thrilled to see you finding a voice for the pain. i have only begun to blog this journey but the possible rewards as you say are too great to ignore. great job man!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I am really sorry this happened to you. I know that men experience extreme invalidation and victim shaming out of the neurotypical orcs. You are extremely brave and badass for getting your story out there!

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  16. Hi Marcus
    Only people who truly want to help others open their heart, pain, healing. 1 in 6 is not on the public radar, it’s beyond understanding. I was touched by you honesty and raw emotion. I would like to reblog to Survivors Blog Here, I wanted to ask first. It feels like stealing any other way.
    🙂
    M

    Like

    • With all the good you are doing – and your own “light shedding”, I would be honored if you reblogged. Feel be free anytime you wish to do so. To me that’s not “stealing”, that’s helping me spread the light a little further.

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  17. I love this page! I’ve been a “successful survivor” for a couple decades now, after almost ending my own life. It’s so good to see you out here articulating the thoughts and feelings we all tend to share. We’re all different, but the same.

    I just got into blogging, and I’m working on a book detailing my journey, and what it took for me to shed my victim skin and start living. It’s been the hardest journey of my life, but it’s also made me who I am…and today I’m good with that.

    Keep up the great work!

    Like

    • It is always great hearing from another survivor! I am excited for you on your book as well as your blog. As for the latter – I will be over later today to take a good look!
      Thanks again for stopping by and for following!

      Like

  18. Marcus,
    I found you through Dream Big’s Networking list and I am so glad I did. Your words have touched me deeply. I was abused in my teens and took it on as my fault. I didn’t deal with it properly (or at all) so I married an abuser and didn’t have much support. I am now in a very loving marriage but my husband had to “prove” himself in the first years and I feel bad for that. I will you peace as you carry on and look forward to reading more of your story. For all I went through, I do believe that abuse is much harder on men.

    Liked by 1 person

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